I'm so tempted to just type, "ugh" as the review for this book, leave it at that, and then move on with my life. That's not really fair, though. But once I get started, I'm going to let it all out, so be prepared.Here's something positive: It's not as bad as Twilight.
Here's something not-so-positive: It's a little worse than New Moon (which was pretty bad). It's also worse than most books I've read in my lifetime.
Stephanie Meyer is so untalented. I'm sorry. But really. She's, like, that homely, annoying, awkward girl who never got the guy and then decided to write some books about a homely, annoying, awkward girl who has guys crawling all over her for no fathomable reason. The absolute worst thing about the entire Twlight series is Bella, the main character. She has zero redeeming qualities. Ze. Ro. Seriously. She's the main character, the narrator, the center of every sentence in these books, and she is completely useless. The other big drawback to the series is how terribly it's written, but whatever. Then there's the fact that none of the other characters are decent, either, and the fact that the plot is dumb and recycled. What does that leave to enjoy? Not much.
You're obviously wondering why I bother reading them. Yeah, I wonder that myself. I just had to read Twilight to see what the big deal was about, even though I knew it wouldn't be good. Once I read that, I kind of had to commit to read the rest of it. But there's another reason that I read them, too. I'm the kind of person who watches completely horrible TV shows (like, say, Rock of Love) or listens to political commentary from people who believe the opposite of what I do. I do this because I like to make fun of things. Twilight fits right in. I do enjoy reading them, but not because I find anything impressive about the actual content.
So, enough about the series as a whole -- let's focus on Eclipse. If you haven't read any of the series and plan on doing so, now is the part where you should stop reading if you don't want spoilers. Eclipse is the third book in the series, and we've already seen Bella fall in love with Edward Cullen (a vampire whose "vegetarian" family "feeds" only on animals, not humans). He totally loves her, too, and so they start a torrid romance, but then these other vampires show up who are not vegetarians. They do "feed" on people, and they'd especially like to "feed" on Bella, but Edward saves her. (Too bad.) Edward realizes it's dangerous for Bella to be around him, because, hello, he's a vampire. So, he runs away, and Bella, like, wants to kill herself and everything. She finds a little comfort in Jacob, a kid who lives on the nearby Native American reservation, but then he starts acting all weird and GUESS WHAT, turns out the people in his tribe are werewolves. Oh, and he's also in love with Bella. For no reason I can figure out. Because she sucks. Meanwhile, Edward is super depressed without Bella, so he tries to anger the big, scary Volturi -- who are Italian vampire extraordinaires or something -- so they'll just end his sad, miserable life already. Bella and Edward's "sister" Alice run off to Italy to stop Edward from ticking off the Volturi, and then they all return to Washington where everything is hunky dory and there's a prom and all that trite high school romantic comedy crap.
Eclipse is more about Bella's relationship with Jacob the werewolf, as well as how werewolf and vampires apparently hate each other. There's a problem when some "newborn" vampires start to threaten the area, and apparently they're all about some Bella, because honestly, who isn't? Since Jacob is in love with Bella, the werewolves want to help, and the vampires obviously do, too. So, this book is all about Bella reconciling her relationships with arch enemies and enemies working together and... whatever, I don't care. It's predictable and stupid. The end.
My favorite part of the entire book involves Edward and Bella discussing Bella's favorite book, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, which, just in case you aren't familiar, is about some useless girl (Cathy) who has more than one man (most importantly, Heathcliff) pining after her for no apparent reason. (Sound familiar?) Edward isn't much of a fan, and he says that he feels like it would be a much better book if either Cathy or Heathcliff had any redeeming qualities. Seriously? Couldn't agree with you more, Edward. I can think of a few books -- perhaps an entire series -- that would be a bit better if the main characters were likable at all. Bella responds to Edwards comment by saying that she thinks the point of Wuthering Heights is that they don't have any redeeming qualities.
...
......... Is that supposed to make me feel better for reading this garbage, or was that Stephanie Meyer's way of making herself feel better? Not sure, but I don't actually feel any better about having wasted so many hours on reading this trash.
Read April 9, 2010 to April 13, 2010
1/5 stars
-- C
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